HUMOR Thread!!!

agnostic · Postby **agnostic** » Thu Mar 30, 2017

A few years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs.
Now we have no Cash, no Hope, and no Jobs.
PLEASE don't let Kevin Bacon die!!!
-Bill Murray

dru708 · Postby **dru708** » Thu Mar 30, 2017

Postby **DRP270** » Thu Mar 30, 2017

A duck walks into a drugstore and asks for a tube of lipstick. The cashier says, "That'll be $1.49," and the duck replies, "Just put in on my bill."

This is an example of the lame crap that comes to my inbox :lol:

.

toddler81 · Postby **toddler81** » Thu Mar 30, 2017

DRP270 wrote:A duck walks into a drugstore and asks for a tube of lipstick. The cashier says, "That'll be $1.49," and the duck replies, "Just put in on my bill."

This is an example of the lame crap that comes to my inbox .

That's a series...
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DECmpUJdgm-g&ved=0ahUKEwjc3uKo0P_SAhVE7yYKHearAfsQtwIIQjAH&usg=AFQjCNFTLVUL-_QhOxaa4GJFL6nhphyfzg

Postby **PeacePeople** » Fri Mar 31, 2017

and this

toddler81 · Postby **toddler81** » Fri Mar 31, 2017

Never had a DUI but if I did I imagine it would go something like this...

Cop: You drinking?
Me: You buying?

Cue laughter...

then handcuffs! :lol:

Postby **MaxGravy** » Sat Apr 01, 2017

Postby **MaxGravy** » Mon Apr 03, 2017

bigjohn · Postby **bigjohn** » Mon Apr 03, 2017

MaxGravy wrote:

Who is this clown? Can't even spell "Duck" :roll:

SilverDoge · Postby **SilverDoge** » Thu Apr 06, 2017

Postby **DRP270** » Thu Apr 06, 2017

More lame jokes for your bemusement :lol:

How do you toast a sheep? "Here's to ewe."

Where did the sheep go after high school? The Ewe-niversity.

What do you call a lamb who does aerobics? Sheep shape.

I wish I could get better ones. :cry:

tdtwedt · Postby **tdtwedt** » Fri Apr 07, 2017

tdtwedt · Postby **tdtwedt** » Sat Apr 08, 2017

Postby **MaxGravy** » Mon Apr 10, 2017

Postby **MaxGravy** » Mon Apr 10, 2017

mnymgr1 · Postby **mnymgr1** » Tue Apr 11, 2017

I was just cracking up with the comments made

http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2017-04-1 ... ssile-name

skylersfriend · Postby **skylersfriend** » Tue Apr 11, 2017

A Little Canadian Humour

(About the same all over I bet)

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence (no, not THAT fence) at Government House. One is from Ottawa, another is from Toronto, and the third is from Montreal. All three go with an official to examine the fence.

The Ottawa contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900, $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Toronto contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. That's $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Montreal contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the government official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Montreal contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Toronto to fix the fence."

tdtwedt · Postby **tdtwedt** » Sun Apr 16, 2017

BAJJERFAN · Postby **BAJJERFAN** » Sat Apr 22, 2017

North Dakota Bank Robbery

A hooded robber burst into a North Dakota bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.
On his way out the door, a brave North Dakota customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off,
revealing the robber's face.
The robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation.
He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him.
The robber instantly shot him also.
Everyone in the bank, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence.
The robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?"
There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly too afraid to speak.
Then, one old Norwegian named Ole from North Dakota tentatively raised his hand and said,
"My wife got a pretty good look at you."