HUMOR Thread!!!

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tdtwedt
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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby tdtwedt » Mon May 01, 2017

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There are more ways than one to skin a cat.

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BAJJERFAN
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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby BAJJERFAN » Fri May 05, 2017

An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats at a concert.

When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The old man didn't budge.

The usher became more impatient.

"Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."

Once again, the old man just muttered and did nothing.

The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager.

Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old dishevelled man, but with no success.

Finally they summoned the police.

The officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy what's your name?"

"Fred," the old man moaned.

"Where you from, Fred?" asked the police officer.

With a terrible strain in his voice, and without moving, Fred replied;

"The balcony!"
He who laughs last is slow-witted!

AuMax
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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby AuMax » Wed May 10, 2017

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Last edited by AuMax on Fri Jun 09, 2017, edited 1 time in total.
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A Japanese proverb states, "Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare."

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tdtwedt
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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby tdtwedt » Tue May 16, 2017

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There are more ways than one to skin a cat.

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jcz1
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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby jcz1 » Wed May 17, 2017

SNL fake ad for Amazon Echo Silver (for old people):

Democracy Dies in Darkness

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DRP270
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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby DRP270 » Wed May 17, 2017

jcz1 wrote:SNL fake ad for Amazon Echo Silver (for old people):



SNL is such a much watch these days IMO. I record it each week it is new.
ImageImageImage

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tdtwedt
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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby tdtwedt » Thu May 18, 2017

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There are more ways than one to skin a cat.

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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby tdtwedt » Sat May 20, 2017

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There are more ways than one to skin a cat.

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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby tdtwedt » Thu May 25, 2017

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There are more ways than one to skin a cat.

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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby tdtwedt » Fri May 26, 2017

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There are more ways than one to skin a cat.

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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby tdtwedt » Sat May 27, 2017

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There are more ways than one to skin a cat.

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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby tdtwedt » Wed May 31, 2017

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There are more ways than one to skin a cat.

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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby tdtwedt » Fri Jun 02, 2017

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There are more ways than one to skin a cat.

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MaxGravy
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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby MaxGravy » Sun Jun 04, 2017

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Don't grow up - it's a trap!

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tdtwedt
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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby tdtwedt » Fri Jun 09, 2017

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There are more ways than one to skin a cat.

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fredzoyt
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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby fredzoyt » Fri Jun 09, 2017

MaxGravy wrote:Image



:lol: :lol: :lol: :thumbup:

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skylersfriend
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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby skylersfriend » Thu Jun 15, 2017

this might be a retread but a favorite standby ;)

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, 'I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'

The driver says, 'Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. '

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly, dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'

The wife smiles demurely and says, 'Well dear, you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been even higher.'

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, 'Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP!'

The officer looks over at the woman and asks,
'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am ?'

( I love this part )



'Only when he's been drinking.'
Don't think of me as a cynic; I am an optimist with experience!
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“In finance, everything that is agreeable is unsound and everything that is sound is disagreeable.” Winston Churchill

The year 2017: Where words and ideas are considered too hateful to be said,
while riots and assault are considered too peaceful to be prosecuted.

AuMax
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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby AuMax » Fri Jun 16, 2017

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A Japanese proverb states, "Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare."

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BotanicusRex
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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby BotanicusRex » Sat Jun 17, 2017

MaxGravy wrote:Image


Not nice!!
I'm too embarrassed to say how much time I wasted before finally having that EUREKA moment. :lol:

More of these and I swear I'll post that red hat- green hat brain buster. :twisted:
"You have a choice between the natural stability of gold, and the honesty and intelligence of the members of government. Vote for Gold."........ George Bernard Shaw

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MaxGravy
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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby MaxGravy » Sat Jun 17, 2017

DogHunt.jpg
DogHunt.jpg (112.6 KiB) Viewed 701 times
ImageImageImage
Don't grow up - it's a trap!


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